Thursday, April 22, 2010

BRING HEALTH HOME

THIS CAN BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH

Sometime we get things backwards. Like packing a picnic before checking the weather. Or, even worse, reading the side effects before checking what the medicine is for.

Sure, warnings should be noted. But lately, our paranoid culture has begun making decisions based on what could happen rather than on what should happen. So now if there's a 0.1 % chance the medicine could cause headaches or a 1.5% chance the proposed legislation could deny stuntmen coverage or a 3% chance there could be an oil spill, some people insist the deal's off.

Wait a minute!

No one pitches a ballgame planning on that 1-in-1500 chance for a grand slammer, just as no one proposes a sweeping new plan based on how it's possible it could fail. Being scared is never the way to being successful. So, yes, check the warnings; but lets not have long-shot warnings paralyze big-time achievements.

COMICS TO THE RESCUE

I submit this hypothesis to every neuro-biologist I meet: "Reading the news and/or the sports will atrophy your brain." Admittedly, I don't meet many neuro-biologists, but I still stand by my proposal.

After a few years -- try almost 80! -- of scanning these sections of your newspaper and/or website, I submit you can actually sense the atrophy taking place starting from the right side of your brain inexorably crunching toward the left. The same numbing repetition of murders, of car crashes, of fires, of floods, of tax fraud, of corrupt politicians, of street protests; and most numbing of all, the very same spring time pennant dreams, batting order changes, failed 9th inning saves and clubhouse in-fighting.

The brain screams for relief, begs for something fresh and enduring. Where to find this...? The comics...! Hypothesis # 2. Here are gathered some of the keenest minds and fastest wits around, who can graphically do what the best stand-ups can do....

....capture in one or two lines the sum and substance of our silly but striving humanity!

WHAT YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT BEER

USA Today reports beer in moderation "can be a health food that builds strong bones." Why? It's all in the silicon, because silcon increases bone mineral density, thereby helping to prevent osteoporosis.

You can hear the boys bellying up to the bar in every saloon in the country: "This one's for my shoulder blade... this one's for my thigh bone...this one's for my neck bone."

Considering the number bones in the human anatomy, the boys may not get home till dawn. But, damn, won't they feel stronger and bonier than ever!

No comments:

Post a Comment