SCHOPENHAUER WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG

The great grim philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer famously wrote: "The first 40 years of life give us the text...the next 30 supply us the commentary on it." I try to remember that whenever the news of the world really rattles me!

Take three very disparate reports this month alone:

* Since 1980, the White House security has been breached 91 times by publicity-seekers, according to The Washington Post

* A New York city HS teacher is suing the Board of Education claiming she was injured slipping on free condoms the school has passed out to the students

* A group of American Indians want the University of North Dakota to CONTINUE calling its teams The Fighting Sioux, because according to tribal chief Frank Black Cloud, "It gives you goose bumps"

Now in my first callow 40 years of life, I would not have been able to reconcile such bizarre inconsistencies in the human condition. But now well into my final 30 years, I see it all bright and clear in my mind's eye. The Lord God did not actually make us in His image and likeness. He made us into the peculiar species we are, because He enjoys funny stories. And may I say with my Schopenhaurean enlightenment -- reports like these just go to prove how damn funny we are.

I say this just in time for the funniest story I can think of -- the world's forthcoming Christmas family celebrations where everyone's expected to look like a Hallmark Card...!