Is there a Rosebud in your life....? There was in the life of "Citizen Cain" (at the moment of his death, the precious memory of that tiny sled) in the 1942 film classic. There are a thousand Rosebuds in my life. How many in yours?
Look, I understand that yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not ours. But yesterday -- and its inexhaustible harvest of memories -- is not to be dismissed too lightly. Even by the young. As the poet reminds us: Memory is what lets us have fragrant roses in the dead of winter. So the best of our memories deserve to be treasured for when we might need them most.
If loneliness is the great disease of our age...memories can be the great cure. However, like all antidotes, they must be administered properly. Too few -- confusion; too many -- apathy.
A recent University of Chicago study found that "loneliness is as infectious as a physical virus, spread by a pattern known as emotional contagion." Lead researcher John Cacioppo reports, our odds of feeling lonely are strongly influenced by our contact with lonely people. "Having a lonely friend makes you 40-65% more likely to feel lonely yourself," Cacioppo noted, "and the effect is stronger for women, more powerful through friends than through mates."
The young have addressed their loneliness in different ways during different generations. Dating was once the tribal ritual by which young males and females bridged their valleys of loneliness. On today campuses it's hooking up (otherwise defined as as sex first, friendship later). Some sociologists theorize this pattern is seeping out beyond college days and into the youth culture itself (see Craiglist, Fling and AdultFriendFinder for arguable details).
In the dating days, sex was the payoff; in hooking-up days it's the prologue. Keeping score of the number of partners you bed is in the end a numbers game which by its very nature generates more loneliness. Because the game lacks emotional attachments.
Which brings us back to Rosebud, and all the many comforting Rosebuds in our own lives. Nurturing them properly can keep a life grounded and, in turn, a lot less lonely. So check out "Citizen Kane" at least as much as you do Craiglist...!
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I think I'd rather be alone than have endless "hook ups" to cure lonliness.
ReplyDeleteAs for Craigslist....there is a pending murder trial for just that kind of thing right now. Not my first choice for a partner search!
My "rosebuds" are people I know and trust. That has to evolve....it can't happen over a "hook up" or answering an ad.
Jack:
ReplyDeleteRe: Your second to last paragraph. You must be joking! Tiger Woods and I both can attest to any negative (lonliness) side effects!!
Suzi -- thanks, you could have written this for me. Jerry -- if I read you right, you've known lonelieness in your life too. Mankind's plague, I guess, ever since we blew the gig in Eden!
ReplyDeleteJohn Cacioppo, Ph.D. will be speaking about his lonelinedd research at New Trier High School's Gaffney Auditorium on April 21, 2010, at 7:00 PM. Dr. Cacioppo's research has profound implications, and he's absolutely tops in his field. The event is sponsored by FAN (Family Awareness Network of New Trier Township), Erika's Lighthouse, NorthShore University HealthSystem, NTHS' Social Work Dept., and all three of the Family Services in the Township. Free and open to the public.
ReplyDeleteJack,
ReplyDeleteWhat I meant was lonliness is not an offshoot of having multiple partners for the two people (at least) that I mentioned.
I see your point. Either way, lets hope we're all a little less lonely in this blessed season of the year. I still gets to me. Altho admittedly not as well as it did back in Austin!!
ReplyDeleteLonnie, that session sounds fascinating! And important! I served the K-12 New Trier Township schools as social studies/educational television coordinator in the 70s & 80s. Great trail blazing community. Obviously you still are.
ReplyDelete