AND PARIS WANTS US TO BE MORE LIKE THEM

A lot of Americans don't like the French. And a good many French don't much like us. Things were different when they gave us the Statue of Liberty in 1886. So what went wrong....?

For one thing, the French have had a love/hate affair with us ever since our American Revolution. They helped us win, but then watched us go on to eventually become a bigger richer nation than them.

There's also the French ethos which has lived off its national grandeur from the days when France was the center of Europe and Paris the capitol of the world. The French have a long proud memory of long lost greatness whose thousand- year heritage often makes our 233 years seem like raw adolescence.

Then we have the matter of how American armies twice saved France in World War I and II. Grateful is one emotion, yes, but how many times is gratitude laced with some resentment?

Putting all this aside, there may be a far stronger explanation for this national tension between our two cultures. Simply put -- the French sometimes don't think we have a culture! To many a French scholar and literati, we're the kid on the block who has grown bigger and stronger than the rest, but remained gangly and uncouth in our leadership (AKA, Lyndon Johnson and George Bush). Our pleasure is making money, our relaxation is golf, our obsession is sex and violence, and besides all that we've never taken the time to learn French!

To hang some numbers on this attitude, consider the latest survey which finds the French spend more time sleeping and eating than do people in any other developed nation of the world. On average, nine hours a day in bed and two hours at meals. (The survey didn't detail who they spent those nine and two hours with, but then statisticians have to draw a professional line somewhere).

Lets examine these numbers further. Our lawyer-president marries another lawyer; their president marries an Italian sex goddess. Our lunches are often squishy drive-up hamburgers; their lunches are often leisurely feasts over four course meals and vintage wines. Our moral standards gasp at the infidelity of public officials; their public officials feel comfortable to invite their mistresses to state affairs. (Actually, ever since Madam daPompadour, mistresses are part of state affairs).

You see how it is, then. Cultural ships in the night which pass each other without really recognizing or acknowledging the other. To bring that closer to home, its not all that different than Cubs and Sox fans....Northsiders and Southsiders... Rush Limbaugh and anyone with a high school diploma!