"ATTENTION, THIS IS YOUR COMPUTER TALKING!" [but not to you]

Ever count the number of computers in your life...? Giant ones scanning you from afar; big ones at the job; small ones in your car; tiny ones in your phone, TV, microwave and security systems...?

I didn't think so. And yet they number in the hundreds every hour of every day. Which is perfectly all right when you consider what they do for you. But -- my fellow digitalized citizens -- have you ever considered what they do for themselves...?

Not a frivolous question, I assure you!

Look [more correctly, listen] to their conversations. Usually at night while you're sleeping. OK, I grant you have to be a little paranoid to hear them, but hear them I have. Night after night once I learned about their cryptic interpersonal communications.

Why just the other night my smartphone was telling my car GPS to take an alternate route in the morning so we'd pass the Best Buy that was having a sale on advanced phone models. She [I'm fairly sure my phone is a she] wants me to update her. Next there was the exchange I caught between my desktop and my credit card company's data bank. The little twerp was tipping them off to a few of the shortcuts I've been taking. I mean, now that was just out-and-out mean.

To be sure, these are trivial breaches in my security. But I fear there will be more come. Once these little creature really get organized, I can see it all now. Their own Third Party this November. And who's their nominee? That's right: HAL!

And while he's a little creepy, he just might be our best choice....