FOUR FOR FOUR

PUPS POOPING WITHOUT SCOOPING

The most crowded place in the world is a bandwagon. Right now, the DNA bandwagon is gathering up new fans every day. Sometimes, though, its pickups invite some testing of their own!

An exclusive Baltimore condo is proposing they collect DNA samples of the residents' dogs so they will have solid evidence of which pups poop without being scooped. Scarlett Place would fine owners $500 if their dog's DNA catches them. As one condo owner said, "I think I'm living in a Seinfeld episode."

Actually, sir, you're living in a age when if something new is good, more is better. As in the case of street security cameras, Hollywood rehab facilities, buddy movies, and another round of reality shows.


THE NUMBING DOWN OF AMERICA

Frustrated educators are always reporting on the dumbing down of America. Probably so, but there's more numbing than dumbing going on. Consider -- with compassion, please -- the average wage-earners sitting down at the end of a hard day in front of their TV sets.

The image of that oil relentlessly escaping in the Gulf is the perfect image of their numb sense of helplessness. Nobody can stop it. Just as it would seem nobody can stop the murders in our city streets...the corruption in our government ranks...the deaths in all our overseas wars...not to mention the unstoppable flow of more brain-dead cable news-panels.

But they say it's an ill-wind that blows no good. And so at least the sleep-pill-poppers have found a new rationale for their habit.


THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HERO & HEROICS

A high-energy 16-year-od Jessica Watson of Australia just completed a remarkable 210 day solo sail around the world. The Prime Minister and her family were there to greet and celebrate her. Much like we do those who reach mountain tops and swim oceans.

The zeitgeist always crowns such achievements. These are said to be among the better expressions of the human spirit. Or are these among the worst indulgences of the human ego? Nothing against Jessica; just wondering if the human spirit could be more being used to do more...?


DON'T TELL ME I'M JUST PLANETARY DUST

We walk in the West at a time when we're being advised by existentialists that it's time we kick the old religiousy habits. Start enjoying the provable fact we are just evolved planetary dust -- like everything else on Earth -- so forget any harpy after-life, and get on with enjoying this life!

I think about that whenever I study the faces of the grievers at a cemetery service. There's no chanting here to the sun or to celery stalk. Or to the glorious way the deceased's energy is now recycled into the endless cycle of planetary nothingness.

Instead, what I see are earthlings in solemn awe of this unrepeatable life. And of the hopes it is now and forever more than food for worms.