WHEN SCIENTISTS HAVE TIME ON THEIR HANDS

Ever watch a custodian sweeping in slow motion? That means he's killing time on the job. While comparisons are odious, it might seem some scientific researchers are doing the same thing. Finding projects to carry out whose purpose and payoff are a little marginal. Take the ones digging up "Lusitania," Titanic" and "daVinci."

LUSITANIA

In 1915, with WWI being waged in Europe, 118 Americans died when a German U-Boat torpedoed the French liner "Lusitania" off the coast of Ireland. Americans -- still neutral at this point -- had been warned by Germany not to book passage on ships traveling war zones.

OK, so everyone who paid attention in history class knows this. What they may not know is that the young, able-bodied passengers survived at an 8% rate higher than people over 35. The liner sank in 18 minutes, so the researchers have concluded: "When people have little time to react, their survival instincts kick in more than their altruism instincts."

The elderly who went down with the ship discovered this the hard way...

TITANIC

In the case of the "Titanic" iceberg sinking in 1912, it took about three hours to go down to its watery grave. Researchers argue that the time factor explains the difference in the survival rate. With "Titanic," women and children were up to 53% more likely to survive than men. Research director Benno Torgler tells "Science News" that when there is more time, social instincts play a bigger role than survival instincts.

"People will sacrifice themselves, but time is crucial. The elements that re-trigger social interactions only emerge after time."

True or not, that's how director James Cameron told it...

da VINCI

Another research committee is hard at work in Italy trying to exhume the body of Leonardo da Vinci. Why? They want to check a pet theory about his masterpiece "Mona Lisa."

Anthropologist Giorgio Gruppioni, of Italy's National Committee for Cultural Heritage, suggests that they have long believed da Vinci was gay. But some also suspect he may have been a cross-dresser.

"If we manage to find his skull," said Gruppioni, "we could rebuild Leonardo's face, and compare it with the Mona Lisa." The theory here is that the "Mona Lisa" was a self-portrait. Requests to dig up the master's remains at Chateau d'Ambroise in France are under -- shall we say, questionable -- consideration.

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Are these examples of modern science at its best...? At it's silliest...? Or is all this what we are often told -- humanity's relentless need to know who, what and why we are....? In any case, I personally don't believe these are the ones who can tell us.