LAUGHING IN A LAND OF LAWYERS

Everybody picks on lawyers. Not me. Some of my best friends are lawyers. But I do have one problem. They have no sense of humor....!

OK, not all of them, but enough of them. And not having a sense of humor can be a very serious thing in a country where 45% of Congress are lawyers. By and large, lawyers are good and decent citizens; but that's where the problem comes in. They become so decent -- so precise and literal and theoretical -- they get to be like that one sitting next to me on a recent commuter ride to Lake Geneva. I casually mentioned how the cows out there were such a unique shade of brown. He paused, surveyed the pasture, then mused solemnly: "Well, yes, this side of them." Say what...?

When the law becomes that strict a master, I say it just sucks all the fun out of these people. I mean, when you want to rage about the Cubs or the Bears, lawyers tend to play their irritating but-on-the-other- hand card. Look, raging about Chicago team failures is an ancient right. No fun if you have to listen to some calm rational explanation for the failures. Can't these lawyers understand -- raging and reason aren't supposed to go together!

Likewise, whenever you want to blister the officials in Springfield or Washington. Having some straight-arrow present you with dull facts when you're right in the middle of a perfectly lovely rant simply takes all the satisfaction out of ranting.

Come to think about it, there are other annoying straight-arrows in our midst too. Like teachers and clerics and wise old aunts and uncles. You see my point, don't you? In a free society, you have be free to rant and rage and roar! And without being unduly interrupted with a lot of specifics and statistics. I take it this is what the Founding Fathers meant for us to do. Whenever faced with an issue we don't understand, shoot from the hip. Gun it down, blow it away. That's what that wonderful all-things-to-all-people First Amendment is all about, right?

Wrong! And here's where those fun-less lawyers have a point. Using our rights and expressing our opinions really isn't meant to be a spectator sport. In a democracy, it's meant to be a spectator responsibility.

Which means it's a good thing to have our lawyers around. Only do so many of them have to become members of Congress? Except for Barney Frank, they never laugh....