ETERNAL LIFE BY PRESCRIPTION....?

Science is at it again. Some of its brightest minds are finally ready to test their theories about extending life. Twenty, thirty, maybe forty years! Experimental drugs have worked on roundworms, fruit flies and mice. Now why not us...?

There are doubters, of course, but some very hefty proponents. It's largely based on the theory that caloric restriction can promote longevity, and drugs that stir our sirtuin activators might be the way to go. They haven't got a name for it yet, but I'm proposing: Beating Death By Diet.

Inevitably, priests and poets will ask the same question many of us do: But why? If the Biblical three-score-and-ten is not enough for us, what then are those things we want to get done with this extra time? At this age, I can't afford to wait for the answer. So I submitted my answers to GlaxoSmithKline who holds the patents on the new drugs. I addressed it to their philosophy department, only I really don't think anyone in the health care field has any philosophers on salary.

While you doodle your own answers, here were mine. From the ridiculous to the sublime. Given all these added years, here are some of the things we might expect to see:
* Dozens of new TV seasons, featuring boundary-breaking reality shows like "Having Sex In Bed With Your Mother-in-Law," "Borat Tours D.C. Congressional Brothels," and "Terrorists Visit Their Mothers To Find Out Where It All Went Wrong"
* Dozens of new wars in places and among people I never heard of before. It would be like a home-study college course in the geography, demography and demonic of our species
* Dozens of new political/religious scandals in which some of our most admired figures fall from grace by gotcha journalism. History demonstrates the longer you live, the more you learn what you never wanted to know

On the other hand, we shouldn't dismiss this gift of science too cavalierly. If it can actually deliver this commodity of time, we consumers would be obligated to use it wisely. Some of what we might expect:
* Dozens of new seasonal cycles in which the rich greens of summer, bright reds of autumn, crisp whites of winter, and new sprouts of spring will sing the eternal lyrics of creation. Big Bang or Big God, the seasons never fail to amaze. So bring 'em on
* Dozens of new neighbors, friends, and great-grandchildren whose unplanned arrivals will energize our added years with added faith that this trip has been worth taking after all
* Dozens of new locked doors and sealed curtains to pry open. Having more time is bound to bring us more of such mysteries. Unlocking and unsealing these mysteries has to be part of what our philosophers and theologians have been talking about all this time

I don't expect GlaxoSmithKline to be answering my letter any time soon. But if they deliver on their pharmaceutical promises, I guess I'll have plenty of time to wait. And wonder....