SUMMER CAMP -- ONE ANSWER TO THE RECESSION

Spring is when young men's fancy turns to thoughts of love, young women's thoughts turn fanciful, and worn-out parents start planning to send Betty and Freddy to summer camp...!

My parents did. God love them and their convoluted intentions, they selected Camp Wichiwakka. Let it be known far and wide that -- recession permitting -- summer camp is one of those honored American traditions by which wisdom and knot-tying are passed on to the next generation. I can't tell you how much my nautical skills have served me here in semi- landlocked Illinois. The glories of slip-knots and cleat hitches are, of course, only part of my story.

The chief reason for camping is getting in harmony with nature. My problem at Wichiwakka was that my body always played in a different key. Where my comrades inhaled the fragrance of the morning air, I smelled tree rot; when they romped through dewy beaches, I found leeches; while they studied the stars, I was swatting mosquitoes. In retrospect, mosquitoes were my first encounter with theological doubt. When I began questioning the goodness of God, the camp counselor put matters into quick perspective. "Stuff it, kid, I've got food poisoning to deal with!"

Competition is another of the honored American characteristics honed in summer camp. At good old Wichiwakka, it seemed like everything was a competition. Getting to the outhouse, getting to breakfast, getting to the available canoes. There was compelling incentive for the first two lines, but because I was always falling out of those damned canoes, I learned early on the gift of giving. I always gave the other kids my place in this line.

Given the perils of our times, I can see why bolder youth can better serve our nation's needs. So along with an appreciation for nature and competition, summer camp can teach collective effort. The merits of cooperation and the joys of camaraderie. I tried joining in at every opportunity. I remember sharing pictures of my pet turtles from back home, and demonstrating how I could crack my knuckles to the tune of "Yankee Doodle Dandy." As I look back now, sharing has its limits in life. You have to have something worth sharing. I've always remembered that lesson whenever someone wants to mount a community talent show.

As today's parents study camp brochures there is one more feature to consider. Are there any camps nearby serving the opposite sex? This can prove to be a significant added value to your child's summer experience. America in today's global economy needs ambition, creativity, the Yankee can-do spirit. And while there are no courses so listed, such nearby camps can easily generate all kinds of night-time free-enterprise through the woods. I know this for a fact, because my comrades always picked me to stay behind and be their recorder of deeds.

Whenever I get nostalgic for the joys of youth again, I try to remember Algebra and Camp Wichiwakka. It helps me get out of today's bed everytime!