Saturday, January 22, 2011

TO HELL WITH MY TREADMILL!

A quick show of hands. How many times have you heard of guys who smoked and drank, but lived into their 90s? How many times have you read about health gurus who did everything right, but died in their 40s?

There's this vast right-wing conspiracy -- they call it fitness -- about how staying physically active is the way to the good life. Treadmills, bar bells, exercycles, power walking. Step into any gym, country club or senior home in the nation, and you're immediately chest deep in flabby bodies sweating to become glorious bodies. The conspiracy is also into wellness -- staying socially active. Like being involved in book clubs, woodworking classes, chess tournaments and choirs.

Here's one uninvolved flabby body that respects their mission, but can't quite share their methods. I mean, running is something you do if there's a guy chasing you with a knife. Gyms are what you join if you enjoy pain. As for becoming involved in chirpy social groups, Noel Coward struck the right note for me when he said, "Whenever I feel like exercising or joining something, I lie down until the feeling passes."

My children and especially my doctors disagree. They make a good case when they say there's some denial going on here. And yet as I approach my 80th birthday in a few days, I have to assume I'm still walking and talking for reasons other than the wellness programs in which I never participated. Good genes? Good luck? Good angels? Whatever, it wasn't this ugly treadmill that's been staring at me these many years. Oh I use it, although probably not correctly; but if fitness and wellness mean dying a little later, I reason I'm still going to die.

In the meantime, I ask myself. Does my mind really need this treadmill...? Does my imagination actually require push-ups....? Does my taste in music and theatre and poetry demand I power my way through 18 holes of golf or discuss the latest best-seller or sing in a choir...? Not saying these activities are counter-productive. Just wondering what's demonstrably bad about sleeping late in the morning, eating eggs for breakfast and pasta for dinner, along with napping whenever and wherever my body asks me?

Oh, and what's really so bad about not joining grumpy strangers to sing "Climb Every Mountain"....?



2 comments:

  1. I love this. Gives me a great excuse!!!

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  2. Jack, sounds like you have been bombarded by "do gooders" as of late, preaching their way is the right way. I confess to practising some of those things you articulated but I don't go around telling people my way is the right way. I am in the choir because I love to hear a section of sopranos singing hymns with high notes in tune (I sing bass in the back row). Music is my life.

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