JUST MAYBE YOUR FUTURE IS NOT IN YOUR STARS, BUT IN YOUR STATS

Statistics mean you never have to say you're certain.

And yet how we moderns love them. Like great burning bushes, the reports from our statisticians are usually considered holy writ. If our doubts have grown about our old Faiths, we can find new ones in the numbers written by the fingers of our mathematical prophets. Here are five recent sets of stats:

* As the media has covered women's issues like birth control and abortion, TheDailyBeast.com reports 81% of the commentators were men while only 12% were women

* An AP analysis of the Top 40 over the last 50 years shows songs in minor {gloomier} keys have doubled since 1960

* Gallup reports 46% of Americans believe in creationism rather than evolution

* An Austrian crematorium exploded while burning the corpse of a 440 pound woman when the operators failed to calculate for the obesity factor

* A Zogby Poll states 66% of American parents say the risk of concussion would not deter them from allowing their children to play football

If statistics like these reflect reality, it may be fair to say reality these days has really become, well, a little unreal!

Saving the best set of stats for last, political analysts have crunched some remarkable numbers about our two presidential contenders. If Romney wins, he wins; if Obama loses, he wins. How is this? If Romney wins and enacts his tax proposal, he'll pay only half of what he would under Obama's plan. If Obama loses, he gets a $90,000 windfall saving under the Romney tax plan.

What are we saying here...? Romney wins by winning, but to win Obama has to lose...? While you crunch the answer to that, you may wish to do what I plan to do: Call the guy who does my taxes to explain to me just how I can win by losing. Please...!