HANNIBAL'S ELEPHANTS PRE-DATE FEMINISM 2300 YEARS

Look, admittedly it's presumptuous for a male of the species to speak on the ways and woes of the female of the species. I mean, what in God's name does any man really understand about any woman? It's always been part of the great Divine [or Darwinian] plan that we two remain an enduring mystery to the other; especially when the other are men.

But wait...this is not another Henny Youngman joke about "Take my wife, please!" Spectacularly married for almost 60 years, I come to this topic with enormous respect. Frankly, my life-story has led me to the counter-intuitive conclusion that the female is not simply equal but superior to the male.

I don't care what fraternity or golf team charges me with betrayal, because what guys like me have learned about gals like you is that you've got this undeniable edge. To those of us guys who secretly admit this in the dark corners of our favorite Italian restaurants, this edge is deeply rooted in your innate capacity to care and to love. Enduring against odds most guys eventually walk away from.

What's this have to do with Hannibal...? Just this. Back about 300 years before Jesus defied customs by eating with and protecting women, the great Carthaginian general was leading his war-elephants across the Alps on his way to Rome. One of military history's most amazing and memorable feats.

But here's a military secret that perhaps not even female stalwarts like Susan B Anthony, Gloria Steinem, Margaret Thatcher, Golda Meir and Angela Merkel never knew. To get his army of war elephants to cross the Alps was a virtually impossible task. Until....!

Yep, until he figured out the female elephants were far more willing to try. With all the wisdom of the male-mind-admitting-the-female-edge, he edged his female elephant's to venture first. And you know what....? That's right, guys, those beautiful lumbering gals took the alpine plunge with aplomb.

Naturally, when the guy elephants saw this, well they dutifully followed. Call it challenged male ego or simply evolutionary pride, but they did. And getting African elephants into Rome's backyard was exactly the edge Hannibal and his guys needed to smash the until-now fearless Roman Legions.

No, Hannibal didn't quite conquer Rome. But damn if he didn't conquer his own male libido enough to let the females lead his way. Something for any guy reading this to think about the next time he calls his wife or partner "The little woman."