BEEN TO THE GRAT AMERICAN SALOON LATELY?

I have a friend who always likes to say, "You can find the real America in its corner saloons." Never mind he hasn't been in one for years. Or that there aren't many left. (Editor's Note: Sports Bars are not corner saloons; even if they happen to be on a corner!). So I gave one a try. And you know what? My friend may have a point.

I didn't find any MBAs, PhDs or Wall Street Journal & New York Times readers. But I did find some simple, solid common sense between rounds that warrants repeating:

* Climate Change? The boys at the bar snorted at all the exotic scientific debate. Eddie, the retired furrier, kinda sealed the deal: "Look, my backyard tomatoes were so drenched this summer they rotted...my Tiger Lilies bloomed a month earlier from the heat...right now there's a battle between who wins my face: the age spots or sun spots!"

* Health Care? Steve, the retired truck driver, was on his third beer when he made his pronouncement: "The fat cats don't need no health care plans, they own the damn things. But as for me, now my wife finally gets a chance for coverage without some company dude telling her No, because she was unlucky enough to have cancer. No matter what else those SOB's in DC say, this alone may keep my Emily alive!"

* Wall Street? Frank, he's still on the police force, echoed the room: "Slick Gekko's who live and die by the market. But ask these hotshots if they've ever planted a potato, built a garage, served in the military, or ever thought anything west of Manhattan counted in this country. I say the country not them is too-big-to-fail!"

* Government? Big Frank, the bar tender, had the last word. "Congress...? 535 millionaire egos! Supreme Court...? Smart but when's the last time they met their country in a saloon! The President...? The guy's trying, but he reminds me of Ernie Banks. Even ol' Ernie looked better on the days they won instead of the days they tanked. What president can look good when the country you're trying to run is on a 5 year Cub losing streak?"

At the end of the night I had to say to myself: Self -- maybe I'll vote for these guys next time.