AS GLORIOUS WRIGLEY FIELD INGLORIOUSLY CLOSES FOR ANOTHER SEASON

One of the sillier city debates in Chicago is whose town is it -- the Cubs or the Bears?

Most sports aficionados don't refer as much to the Bulls or the White Sox for some reason. And yet, the Bears hardly sport a championship record in the NFL. And the Cubs -- well, they are document-ably the losing-est team in MLB history.

And yet we are now witnessing the annual transition from another disastrous Cub season into another dubious Bear season. With the pathetically predictable commentaries by cocky sports columnists about: What went wrong? Who is to blame? Why we should hope for better results? Which player is ready for a breakout season? Blah, bah, blah

Having no claim to any sports acumen myself, all I can report with assurance -- absolute assurance! -- is that as the Cubs' Wrigley Field gets ready to shut down for another season, some will miss the following:

* The glorious ivy covered walls
* The slap-dash color of the beer barkers and hot dog vendors
* The old-fashioned dignity of the hand-manipulated scoreboard
* The giggly bosom-bouncing teenage girls with neither knowledge nor interest in the game
* The chattering student groups chaperoned by their uptight teachers
* The chattering senior-citizen groups chaperoned by their attentive social workers
* The bare-chested, umpire-indicting guys who are here to live out their own dreams

What we will not miss:

* The barnyard look and stench of the men's washroom
* The absurd prices for every drink and meal they have you kidnapped into
* The posts in the stands behind which you can never see that big play
* The giant of a fan whose gigantity spills over into your small seat space
* The babbling sports experts next to you busy explaining the game to you

So, farewell charming, ancient Wrigley. We have loved you since childhood, even though you have broken our little hearts for 102 ugly years now. Despite everything, ours is a love affair that is destined to last regardless of who is mayor, who is president, and who we are in another war with. Is this crazy or what...?