OK, WHAT DO WE DO WITH THE OLD FOLKS?

All through human history there have always been old folks. However, never so damn many of us! What's going on here? Lot of explanations, but in a way they all come down to this basic irony: Young people have been making more old people, and now aren't quite sure what to do with us.

 Our bright young medical scientists are prolonging lives. Great. I'm 81. A hundred years ago, I would probably have been dead at last 30 years. What's happened is not only a Population Explosion but simultaneously a Health Explosion. At least in most of the nations north of the equator.

As a result, government officials are in a budget quandary...Hallmark Cards is in a selling bonanza ... and grandchildren have more grandparents in their lives than ever before in history.

While everyone sorts out these consequences -- both good and bad -- one pattern has emerged loud and clear. With elders like us hanging around longer, our children have found a way to avoid the old tribal custom of "housing the folks in the back room" once we're too feeble to go it alone. Behold the multi-billion dollar senior home industry.

While the experts slice-and-dice this new development, the really big issue remains unanswered. What is the best role for those of us living longer, but still in decent health? In ancient cultures -- and many non-western ones still today -- the elders have traditionally been seen as the "wise ones," "the voices of experience," "the prophets."

Do today's older-aged elders retain that status? deserve that status?earned that status? Something for a young culture like ours to think about the next time they drive over to Sunset Manor to visit us....

ZOMBIES SNATCH 'THE FORCE' RIGHT OUT OF SATAN'S HANDS

Back in the Middle Ages the big story was Jesus vs Satan, with our souls the prize. Then along came the 18th C Enlightenment to advise us Reason not Religion was the way to live this story. And so it's no surprise that by today thousands of churches are empty in Europe and emptying in the United States. After all, reason dispels most of  those old medieval superstitions.

And yet -- almost as if the human heart needs what superstition can provide -- we have found new Satans to fear and fight. The popular Gothic fiction of zombies, vampires, werewolves, and mad exorcists. Apparently the strict, cold logic of Reason proved to be a sparse diet for our repressed fears and revulsions. Humanity still seems to need the dark corners of our mind served with more than the thin white light of Reason.

The popularity of "Twilight, " "Dark Shadows," "The DaVinci Code," and "Harry Potter" speaks to this need. The need to be afraid of the dark, the mysterious, and the unearthly. But then in the end to somehow defeat the evil ones and save our soul.

The 19th C had the eerie Gothic novels of the Brontes, the horrifying stories of Poe, along with the birth of Frankenstein, and the wild imagery of Romantic poets like Shelley and composers like Wagner. Then in our own centuries the screen has been able to capture the entire range of the  occult lurking in our lives.

Authors like Elizabeth Lowry writes in her "Gothicka" that traditional, mainstream Religion is not simply disappearing. It's being replaced by a New Age kind of religiosity in which we ourselves can become part of the occult. Kissing, marrying, birthing with the demonic. "Thereby finding the transcendent within ourselves," as Lowry puts it.

She would get a rousing argument from today's inflamed Fundamentalists who see the danger of the satanic and demonic everywhere in our culture. Starting in Hollywood and LasVegas all the way to the college campus and the White House..

So here's the question, Gothic fans. Has Satan lost his footing in the battle for our souls...? Or has he cleverly disguised himself in the shape of zombies and vampires, luring us to the same hell only by different routes...?

DUMB CUB ERRORS TURN INTO EVEN DUMBER CUB SINS

One of life's cruelest sins is Exodus speaking of the-sins-of-the-father-visiting-their-sons. As if the Chicago Cubs didn't have enough trouble, their owner-son Tom Ricketts now has to live with the recently revealed political sin of his father Joe. Seems Joe hates our President so much he was willing to dump $10 million into a smarmy race-hate campaign.

Hating this much is in itself a sin. But then the human race -- both on and off the playing fields -- can be a pretty sinful lot. Especially pride, considered the mother of all sins. Pride, of course, has  price. Last year alone Americans spent $30 billion on weight-loss programs and $10 billion on cosmetic procedures. The numbers are even more staggering when compared to the average price tag of $700 million for a new hospital.

Currently pride is working at warp speed as Silicon Valley's blue-jeaned whiz-kids are preparing us for a new version of Homo Sapiens. Traditionally there has been Male and Female. At the current rate, there will eventually be Computer-Androgynous. Each of us walking and thinking with our very own enhanced brain circuitry with which we can accomplish anything anywhere. Thought-triggered files of data, movies, music, GPS reports, and screen communication with anyone programmed into us.

Pride is a funny thing. It can build cities or the missiles to destroy them. It can cure disease or ignite plagues. Right now pride is hard at work in the Australian shipyards of billionaire Clive Palmer. He just announced plans to build Titanic II. Arrival date 2016. Cost whatever it takes. Fate to be determined.

Meanwhile back at the Cubs Wrigley Field, son Tom may have to confront father Joe's waiting critics. Somewhere between his sky box and his waiting limo.

HAS THE EARTH EVER FALLEN AWAY UNDER YOU...?

Ever watch a cartoon when the little character dashes off a cliff but remains in the air...? A classic bit which always has the same punchline. He suddenly looks down, realizes he's in mid-air, and plummets.

There's a lesson in the joke. We take certain things in life for granted. When suddenly they're not there anymore, trauma. Say like today's report by the US Census Bureau. For the first time in our history there were less White births recorded than non-White. America has reached the expected tipping point when it begins to become an increasingly multi-ethnic culture.

The consequences of this will be mixed. Minorities, college professors, bleeding-heart-liberals, and gays will approve. White evangelicals, gun-toting Rednecks, Skinheads, and Sarah Palin will gag. The halls of Congress, radio call-in programs, and Twitter will light up.

But leaving that blaze behind, I'm thinking here of some other and simpler examples of life without what we take for granted. Smaller moments which nevertheless will have real consequences. Imagine with me an America in which:

* There are no TV commercials >> When do we get a bathroom break?

* There are no campaign ads >> Who do we have to hate?

* There are no show business award ceremonies >> How can we live without celebrities?

* There are no more research teams studying coffee >> What can we panic about?

* There are no more UFO sightings >> What secret government conspiracies are left?

* The Chicago Cubs win the World Series >> What noble existential suffering can I still count on?

Just like that crazy cartoon character without anything beneath him to count on, earthlings like me dread the day. But then "dreading" is what earthlings are good at. I plan to plummet with dignity...!

THE ARMED INVASION OF CHICAGO

This month there may be as many armed police on Chicago streets as there are in Damascus. With the approach of the NATO conference, the city's blue army is swarming in to protect the good guys from the bad guys. Of course, not everyone agrees on who the good guys are.

Perhaps the lesson to be learned is the ones with the most guns are deemed the good guys. Still, the lone rifle can flip the universe on its axis. Every angry warrior out there dreams of another Dallas. In addition to serving their messianic cause, there's also the thrill of the hunt. One gunman able to infiltrate a wall of swat teams and helicopters. History, here I come!

Another lesson may be realizing our repressed dependence on our police [AKA, the government]. Right now there is across the land the latest generation of no-taxation-without-representation-so- down-with-King George III. The classic Yankee cockiness:  I'm-my-own-master. And yet, if one of Hollywood's spy thrillers were to actually become one of Chicago's headlines this week, listen to the cry from the stunned citizenry: My-God-where-were-the-police??

Writing this within a few miles of Chicago's International Airport, I can hear the whirl of security helicopters and catch sight of the blocked entrances to our expressways. The same police now hampering our freedom of movement in this locked down city -- you know, the same police you complain about taking quick bribes and living off fat pensions! -- these are the men and women who we take for granted when it comes to our safety and security.

But ask anyone who knows. Our everyday safety and security is their everyday job. Yeah, they do stop a lot for coffee and donuts. But between stops they're the only ones between you and the jungle out there. Not only for this one conference, but for every day between now and the next.

I'm toasting you  fellas with my donut........!

ARE YOU AN AVENGER? ALL IT TAKES IS A MASK!

Lets get one thing straight. The box office bonanza of THE AVENGERS should be no surprise. We're a nation of avengers. Revenge is hardwired into the human psyche. Especially in the case of Americans who have traditionally seen themselves as conquerors of all that is wrong in their way. The wild frontier, the wild red man, the wild Nazis, and now the wild terrorists.

Maybe our national sense of rage has been heightened by the hottest first quarter in our history. Every state was 8.6 degrees above normal. Could abnormal weather affect abnormal behaviors? Say like the newest New York game "subway chicken" [track jumping teens waiting as long as possible to get off]. Or the spike in porn site hits on the Web [4.4 billion per month, triple CNN or ESPN]. Or the rage of Super PAC political ads [70% negative so far in contrast to 9% at this point in 2008].

While the experts test the data, the data itself keeps piling up. Like the Wisconsin man last month who jumped in front of his wife's Dodge Durango to block her from the polls where she was going to vote for the Recall of Republican Governor Walker [the man's brother defended the action: "Crazy liberal nuts like his wife are always pulling this crap!]

Anthropologists identify us as "the higher animals," and yet there are few "lower animals" who will kill
another for what we call avenging-a-wrong. They kill for food and survival; we often kill for power and glory. The difference is the beasts of the field stop when it's over. We sit down and write histories.

Because histories are written by the winners [AKA, the avengers], we dutifully learn the bad guys from the good guys. A powerful patriotic lesson about who to jeer and who to cheer. Bad guys like Hitler and Qaddafi are easy. Others are not that simple. Consider some examples: Henry VIII, Napoleon, FDR, Bush. Too iffy? OK, what about closer to home: Daley, Obama, Ossie Guillen, your mother-in-law?

Here's an idea. Instead of putting on your mask and avenging all the bad guys out there, first try checking who wrote those histories. Then try following-the-facts. Which usually means following-the-money....

SO WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE THAT FLIGHT WHICH LATER CRASHED IN THE SEA!

What's a sophisticated generation like ours still doing with old-fashioned horoscopes, superstitions, apparitions, and Tarot cards? I'll tell you what. Like our ancient tribal ancestors, we cling to whatever glints of meaning we can still find in an otherwise dark, random world. Call these glints fate, destiny, karma, science, or God, everyone needs some sense of meaning to their life. Otherwise everything and everyone is a pointless roll of the dice we can't even hold.

If knocking-on-wood or grabbing our lucky charm embarrasses our rational selves, could it be doing anything for our non-rational selves? Of all people, scientists are lately saying: A lot!  In his book "The 7 Laws of Magical Thinking" Matthew Hutson writes: "The good news is that superstitious thought, or magical thinking, even as it misrepresents reality, has its advantages. It offers psychological benefits that logic and science can't always provide: namely a sense of control and meaning."

Turn off your computer for a moment and give vent to your Santa-Claus-Days. Let your non-rational self [distinct from your irrational self ] scan current research studies into the realm of the superstitious:

*Psychologist Lysann Damisch of the University of Cologne reports: "Golfers using what they were told is a lucky ball sank 35% more putts."

* Anthropologist Richard Sosis of the University of Connecticut found during Israel's second intifada, "the women in the attacked town of Tzfat who recited psalms benefited with reduced anxiety from their increased sense of control...this so-called teleological reasoning finds intentions and goals behind even evidently purposeless events...and when lacking a visible author, we end up creating an invisible one: God, karma, destiny, whatever."

* Psychologist Kenneth Pargament of Bowling Green University reports: "Students who viewed a negative event as part-of-God's-plan showed more growth in its aftermath as they became more open to new perspectives, more intimate in relationships, more persistent in overcoming challenges."

Matthew Hutson concludes: "This isn't to say magical thinking has no downsides. At its worst, it can lead to obsession, fatalism, or psychosis. But without it, the existential angst of realizing we're just impermanent clusters of molecules with no ultimate purpose would overwhelm us. So to believe in magic -- as on some deep level we all do -- does not make you stupid or crazy. It makes you human."

Does anyone doubt their own humanity so much as to doubt this writer's conclusion...?