A person doesn't have to be a believer to understand the Bible is important. Three billion times important. To Jews, Christians, and Muslims alike. This is because all three of these Abrahamic faiths find roots in these texts. Roots that have helped shape not only the religions, but many of our world's most enduring value systems.
That is until now....!
No, it's not Dan Brown's DaVinci Code books and movies. They're only fictions. It's facts that have been stirring the biblical pot. Facts being excavated by biblical scholars. Until recently,they tended to confirm the Bible. Now they challenge it.
The challenges are much more than the stuff of fussy academicians. If these new challenges end up changing old beliefs, it will impact all of us. Something like finding out your parents aren't your parents! Suddenly you're jolted into an entirely new paradigm. Everything you thought you knew buckles beneath you in a seismic shift. Ask anyone who's been in an earthquake if they can ever trust the ground under them again.
Using the exacting tools of disciplines like geology, archaeology and anthropology, scholars have begun questioning whether the Exodus from Egypt ever happened, whether the Israelites actually conquered Canaan, whether David's mighty kingdom was all that mighty, and whether an itinerant Jew could possibly rise from a sealed tomb. Of course they're right to challenge, but of course each challenge is the tail of a tiger. More than Passover and Christmas are at stake here, folks. So are such values as the sanctity of life, of parenthood, oaths, the Declaration of Independence, Lincoln's most stirring rhetoric, Roosevelt's Four Freedoms, and your daughter's wedding vows this June.
The way this works is illustrated by some recent excavations at Mt Sedom in Israel where stands the celebrated Lot's Wife. A pillar of salt in the form of a human that has been held by many as God's punishment when she disobeyed his order not to look back at his destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Carbon dating shows the formation goes back to the right biblical time-line for the event. However, geology shows how ancient earthquakes and soil erosion over these same 4000 years can scientifically explain the phenomenon.
So here's our tiger!
Do the facts help confirm or deny the story? Does the story require confirmation or denial in the first place? Can any two visitors to the site be expected to see the same physical object and hear the same spiritual message? Ride this tiger far enough and you're left with the same foundational question many of us have. If the biblical god exists and if science is one of his gifts to his creatures, why can't the scholar and the believer arrive at the same conclusions here at Mt Sedom?
If I ever book a trip to Israel, I'm going to ask the travel agent this question. Not that travel agents know how to ride tigers any better than scholars and believers. It's just that they're so good at making everything on the itinerary so ecstatic. In the long run, maybe it's the ecstasy of belief more than the thrill of truth that travelers like me want.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
PATRIOTISM VS PRAGMATISM
Patriotism is love of the country; pragmatism is love of the practical. Can the two co-exist....?
To test the question we have countless examples at hand. On the national level there is today's heated dialog over budget, health care, energy, education and everyone's all time favorite: The perennial are coffee-and-red-wine-really-good- for-us-or-not. To be a patriot it would seem we should be reading and learning everything we can about such matters. Free schools and responsible media are there to help us be responsibly informed citizens. Indeed, the current crisis over the loss of newspapers raises the question of how can a democracy function without informed citizens.
But then we have our bottom-line pragmatists. These are the life-hardened skeptics who say something like: "Look, when these guys come up with a final answer, that's when I'll pay attention. Till then everything's just hot air." Given that the answers keep changing and the deciders keep shifting, the skeptics have a point. I mean, how many times have we been emphatically told that coffee is absolutely bad for us until they count the number of ways it's good for us. Or that Illinois's budget is in crisis although on second thought except for those items our representatives decide are in demand.
Focusing on this month's final debate over the new Illinois budget, everyone agrees it's in a mess. But everyone down in Springfield agrees the mess has to do with someone else's priorities not theirs. Hard not to throw up your arms with the skeptical pragmatists and say: "Just wake me up when it's over."
There's only one thing wrong with that. Everything!
Democracy is built on the notion of majority rule, but history is built on the way well-organized minorities usually carry the day. Without such a dedicated minority we probably wouldn't have had the American Revolution...poor white farmers dying for the cause of rich Confederate slaveholders...the country entering World War I... the Prohibition Act....and the Iraq War. In each case, the silent majority tended to follow the organized minority.
And so it may be again. At both the national level and right here at the state level. There are well organized minorities (AKA, vested interests) with well thought out agendas. While the pragmatists sleep, the self-proclaimed patriots act. But it would be wrong to label this "conspiracy." The word is sorely over-worked by every Hollywood director and novelist out to woo an audience. According to democracy, minorities just like majorities have the right to speak out and fight for their cause.
It's not important whether you are in the majority or the minority. What is important -- essential -- is that you play your role as a well-informed citizen. No matter what they say about the old western gunslingers, no one gets their man wildly shooting from the hip.
It's the head, stupid...!
To test the question we have countless examples at hand. On the national level there is today's heated dialog over budget, health care, energy, education and everyone's all time favorite: The perennial are coffee-and-red-wine-really-good- for-us-or-not. To be a patriot it would seem we should be reading and learning everything we can about such matters. Free schools and responsible media are there to help us be responsibly informed citizens. Indeed, the current crisis over the loss of newspapers raises the question of how can a democracy function without informed citizens.
But then we have our bottom-line pragmatists. These are the life-hardened skeptics who say something like: "Look, when these guys come up with a final answer, that's when I'll pay attention. Till then everything's just hot air." Given that the answers keep changing and the deciders keep shifting, the skeptics have a point. I mean, how many times have we been emphatically told that coffee is absolutely bad for us until they count the number of ways it's good for us. Or that Illinois's budget is in crisis although on second thought except for those items our representatives decide are in demand.
Focusing on this month's final debate over the new Illinois budget, everyone agrees it's in a mess. But everyone down in Springfield agrees the mess has to do with someone else's priorities not theirs. Hard not to throw up your arms with the skeptical pragmatists and say: "Just wake me up when it's over."
There's only one thing wrong with that. Everything!
Democracy is built on the notion of majority rule, but history is built on the way well-organized minorities usually carry the day. Without such a dedicated minority we probably wouldn't have had the American Revolution...poor white farmers dying for the cause of rich Confederate slaveholders...the country entering World War I... the Prohibition Act....and the Iraq War. In each case, the silent majority tended to follow the organized minority.
And so it may be again. At both the national level and right here at the state level. There are well organized minorities (AKA, vested interests) with well thought out agendas. While the pragmatists sleep, the self-proclaimed patriots act. But it would be wrong to label this "conspiracy." The word is sorely over-worked by every Hollywood director and novelist out to woo an audience. According to democracy, minorities just like majorities have the right to speak out and fight for their cause.
It's not important whether you are in the majority or the minority. What is important -- essential -- is that you play your role as a well-informed citizen. No matter what they say about the old western gunslingers, no one gets their man wildly shooting from the hip.
It's the head, stupid...!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
FROM THE RIDICLOUS TO THE SUBLIME
We all live with some riddles and some mysteries in our life. My ridiculous riddle is figuring out the price tags in supermarkets. My sublime mystery is figuring out the Vatican in Rome...!
Now I grant, supermarkets try to help your comparison shopping by listing the per unit cost for most items. But that works only when products X, Y and Z have the very same number of units. If not, this calls for on-the-spot multiplication. And even that's not enough if X is on sale and you happen to have coupons for Z. I've seen some scrupulous shoppers work with a calculator, but that brings back ghoulish memories of Mr. Horton in Trigonometry.
Better to admit the cosmos is complex, not ours to always understand, and just go with Z!
A far more challenging issue is figuring out the Vatican. This is the oldest still-functioning institution of any kind in the Western world. Its Popes have earned the status of the world's single most prominent religious office. In recent years, they have drawn the biggest crowds ever seen in human history. And yet despite all this, the pronouncements from the Vatican continue to roil the passions and the theologies of Muslims, Jews and Catholics alike.
And so one is left with the mystery of this unique institution. With all its past errors and current disputes, how does it remain intact? What holds it and a billion Catholics together?
The Vatican speaks of the Holy Spirit left by Jesus to "remain with my Church." Critics like the DaVinci Code talk about the role of conspiracies and corruptions. Reformers talk about keeping the faith but changing the church. One is left to wonder.
Sometimes, though, you simply can't answer all of life's riddle and mysteries. So in my case I usually choose the least line of resistance. I buy the products with the best saving coupons, and I buy into the church with the best saving promises. In each case, time alone will tell....
Now I grant, supermarkets try to help your comparison shopping by listing the per unit cost for most items. But that works only when products X, Y and Z have the very same number of units. If not, this calls for on-the-spot multiplication. And even that's not enough if X is on sale and you happen to have coupons for Z. I've seen some scrupulous shoppers work with a calculator, but that brings back ghoulish memories of Mr. Horton in Trigonometry.
Better to admit the cosmos is complex, not ours to always understand, and just go with Z!
A far more challenging issue is figuring out the Vatican. This is the oldest still-functioning institution of any kind in the Western world. Its Popes have earned the status of the world's single most prominent religious office. In recent years, they have drawn the biggest crowds ever seen in human history. And yet despite all this, the pronouncements from the Vatican continue to roil the passions and the theologies of Muslims, Jews and Catholics alike.
And so one is left with the mystery of this unique institution. With all its past errors and current disputes, how does it remain intact? What holds it and a billion Catholics together?
The Vatican speaks of the Holy Spirit left by Jesus to "remain with my Church." Critics like the DaVinci Code talk about the role of conspiracies and corruptions. Reformers talk about keeping the faith but changing the church. One is left to wonder.
Sometimes, though, you simply can't answer all of life's riddle and mysteries. So in my case I usually choose the least line of resistance. I buy the products with the best saving coupons, and I buy into the church with the best saving promises. In each case, time alone will tell....
Saturday, May 9, 2009
WHAT'S HIDING IN A STATISTIC?
Statisticians are grinding out new survey numbers every day. In the Middle Ages they counted the number of angels on the head of a pin. Today they count the number of anything they think is publishable. Many times the results are pretty useless, but here's one that's not. The number of Americans who said they "like being recognized as wealthy" dropped from 35% to 29%.
Surveys are like the Delphic Oracle -- you make of them whatever you want. So here's what I make of this. America's enduring split-personality about wealth is surfacing again in today's recession. On one hand we've always admired the rich-and-famous; at the same time, we can't help resenting them. In a democracy everyone's supposed to be equal, only everyone knows some people are more equal than others. That un-democratic status is OK, but only if it happens to us.
In some countries, this tension creates distinct rich;poor class structures (AKA,old Europe and new Middle East). In our country, this tension has always been eased by the assumption anyone can become wealthy (AKA, The American Dream). But in the current recession, the wealthy class is sticking out like a very sore and annoying thumb. Bankers, Wall Street hustlers, hedge fund gamblers, Berny Madoff, Paris Hilton -- when you're out of a job, what's to like about this class!
Maybe this is why more of them are more self-conscious about their BMW's and off-shore accounts. Then again, maybe not. One of the best known ways in history of distracting the plebeians or peasants from the luxury of the patricians or the lords is to find a common enemy. The wealthy today have found a classic example: Big Government. After all, who likes the guy who imposes taxes on you, and tells you how to behave?
Trouble is, using the government as your common enemy (AKA, "the problem") only works so far. Easy to condemn its graft and corruption, but not quite as easy to turn your back when you need it to guard your shores, patrol your streets, inspect your meats, protect your health, and build your schools and colleges.
Whether ot not the government is "the solution" is open to rigorous debate. In the end the consensus may be what it's always been in this country. Each side of the democratic equation needs the other. The people need concerned government in order to maintain the general welfare; the government needs concerned citizens in order to maintain its commitment to that general welfare.
Sounds like a strong marriage...? Exactly. And everyone knows how hard, but how rewarding that can be.
Surveys are like the Delphic Oracle -- you make of them whatever you want. So here's what I make of this. America's enduring split-personality about wealth is surfacing again in today's recession. On one hand we've always admired the rich-and-famous; at the same time, we can't help resenting them. In a democracy everyone's supposed to be equal, only everyone knows some people are more equal than others. That un-democratic status is OK, but only if it happens to us.
In some countries, this tension creates distinct rich;poor class structures (AKA,old Europe and new Middle East). In our country, this tension has always been eased by the assumption anyone can become wealthy (AKA, The American Dream). But in the current recession, the wealthy class is sticking out like a very sore and annoying thumb. Bankers, Wall Street hustlers, hedge fund gamblers, Berny Madoff, Paris Hilton -- when you're out of a job, what's to like about this class!
Maybe this is why more of them are more self-conscious about their BMW's and off-shore accounts. Then again, maybe not. One of the best known ways in history of distracting the plebeians or peasants from the luxury of the patricians or the lords is to find a common enemy. The wealthy today have found a classic example: Big Government. After all, who likes the guy who imposes taxes on you, and tells you how to behave?
Trouble is, using the government as your common enemy (AKA, "the problem") only works so far. Easy to condemn its graft and corruption, but not quite as easy to turn your back when you need it to guard your shores, patrol your streets, inspect your meats, protect your health, and build your schools and colleges.
Whether ot not the government is "the solution" is open to rigorous debate. In the end the consensus may be what it's always been in this country. Each side of the democratic equation needs the other. The people need concerned government in order to maintain the general welfare; the government needs concerned citizens in order to maintain its commitment to that general welfare.
Sounds like a strong marriage...? Exactly. And everyone knows how hard, but how rewarding that can be.
Friday, May 8, 2009
YOU GOTTA GREAT FUTURE BEHIND YOU!
"Hey, pal, you gotta great future behind you...!" That was how my pal Joe Conti used to put down hecklers during his standup routine. Joe was big in Chicagoland clubs for years, but never big in the big time. Too bad, because Joe was not only a good comic, but a pretty good philosopher too.
Philosophically speaking, one of the few things liberals and conservatives, Democrats and Republicans, agree on is that very same sentiment. That our nation's past is where we start to re-build our nation's future. Call it a sense of community and progress, or label it family values and free enterprise, either party is drawing from our rich heritage. Our dazzling accomplishments. In other words, our enduring national myths.
Myths are not lies, they are those stories we tell about ourselves -- who we are and where we came from -- that energize us into making the myths come true. And who are our greatest mythmakers...? Hollywood, whose silver screens millions of us share, and which continually remind us of how strong and good and giving and loving we can be.
What's that you say? "Not many of the movies I've seen lately!" You'd be right. A hefty crop of current films are a study in sex, violence, and conspiracy. The films Joe and I are referring to are more the classics from the old studios like MGM and Warner Brothers. And the old directors like Capra, McCarey, Wilder, Hitchcock and Houston. Not that these guys were any more gifted than today's Speilbergs, Howards and Coppolas, but the stories they told usually created nobler American myths. Perhaps inspiring nobler Americans.
Which is why today's Oscar Ceremonies are always paying them such tribute. Not that today's studios and directors couldn't tell the same stories, but today's audiences are often less willing to buy into them. "Corny," "out-of-touch," "dishonest" are the usual epithets from today's 12-to-30 audiences. To really excavate those old national myths about ourselves, you have to check the old-movie channels. You know, where stuff like tall-in-the-saddle cowboys, work-with-their-own-hands fathers, stay-at-home mothers, kids playing all day without drugs or supervision, and admired cops & clergy were all fairly common fare at the neighborhood theatre.
Sure those movies had wars and crime and adultery, but somehow by the last reel the good side of the plotline seemed to prevail. Corny...? You betcha! But so is helping your neighbor in a storm, crying at your daughter's wedding, getting a testimonial dinner after retiring. You see, the corn is not really gone. And neither are the old myths. Maybe they've just been lying fallow too long.
Philosophically speaking, one of the few things liberals and conservatives, Democrats and Republicans, agree on is that very same sentiment. That our nation's past is where we start to re-build our nation's future. Call it a sense of community and progress, or label it family values and free enterprise, either party is drawing from our rich heritage. Our dazzling accomplishments. In other words, our enduring national myths.
Myths are not lies, they are those stories we tell about ourselves -- who we are and where we came from -- that energize us into making the myths come true. And who are our greatest mythmakers...? Hollywood, whose silver screens millions of us share, and which continually remind us of how strong and good and giving and loving we can be.
What's that you say? "Not many of the movies I've seen lately!" You'd be right. A hefty crop of current films are a study in sex, violence, and conspiracy. The films Joe and I are referring to are more the classics from the old studios like MGM and Warner Brothers. And the old directors like Capra, McCarey, Wilder, Hitchcock and Houston. Not that these guys were any more gifted than today's Speilbergs, Howards and Coppolas, but the stories they told usually created nobler American myths. Perhaps inspiring nobler Americans.
Which is why today's Oscar Ceremonies are always paying them such tribute. Not that today's studios and directors couldn't tell the same stories, but today's audiences are often less willing to buy into them. "Corny," "out-of-touch," "dishonest" are the usual epithets from today's 12-to-30 audiences. To really excavate those old national myths about ourselves, you have to check the old-movie channels. You know, where stuff like tall-in-the-saddle cowboys, work-with-their-own-hands fathers, stay-at-home mothers, kids playing all day without drugs or supervision, and admired cops & clergy were all fairly common fare at the neighborhood theatre.
Sure those movies had wars and crime and adultery, but somehow by the last reel the good side of the plotline seemed to prevail. Corny...? You betcha! But so is helping your neighbor in a storm, crying at your daughter's wedding, getting a testimonial dinner after retiring. You see, the corn is not really gone. And neither are the old myths. Maybe they've just been lying fallow too long.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
MUSING ABOUT LIFE
When you were 12 maybe you were asking yourself some of the same questions I was. "Why does big Burt always bully me...?" "Why does Mr. Rooney next door always come home drunk...?" "And why in God's name won't Rosie ever smile at me...?" I didn't realize it, but I was pondering some of life's great mysteries: Evil! Tragedy! Love!
Now I don't know if you've come up with any answers. I'm still trying.
Burt was my metaphor for the eternal how-can-a-good-Creator-create-evil conundrum that theologians and my Aunt Rose always talk about. The classic example -- the innocent child suddenly struck down by a cruel disease. Theologians tend to say God doesn't create only allows evil in his world. But why? As Job learned, the answer belongs to God alone. As some theologians put it, evil in life can serendipitously lead to a greater good. As Aunt Rose said at the wake when people wept for her loss, "Oh I didn't lose her; she's waiting for me at home."
Somewhere within the trinity of those ideas is the answer I live with.
As for Mr. Rooney, he was a happy-go-lucky metaphor for the Greek tragedy that lurks in everyone's life. The ancient Athenians staged plays in which a great protagonist experienced a great disaster all tracing back to a great flaw within their own character. Shakespeare carried the tragedian torch into modern times with his Hamlet, Macbeth and King Lear. In our own times the world bulges with brooding examples from protagonists like Hitler and Stalin to Joe McCarthy and Richard Nixon right down to our latest headliners Bernie Madoff and John Edwards.
In looking for an answer to the tragedy question, we owe a great debt to playwrights like Arthur Miller. In his celebrated Death of a Salesman, Miller show us that even everyday small figures like Willie Loman (and Mr Rooney) are capable of the same tragedies of great figures. If I had known this answer back then, I believe Mr Rooney's bizarre rages would not so much have frightened me, as they might have saddened me into reflecting on the character-flaw hiding in all of us.
Then the ultimate life-mystery -- love. The poets say it well when they say we humans can't live with it or without it. Artists capture the magic in their facial expressions. Composers in their chords and cadenzas. Hollywood in the way 98% of the screenplays end in some version of the proverbial clinch. In the case of Rosie and me, well, her Celtic red hair flashed three rows from me in class. The deed was done at that first sighting, but alas it was never reciprocal.
All through adolescence I reflected on the great unrequited mystery that love can be. Then, lending tragedy to mystery, I met Rosie at our 50th class reunion where we made a date for lunch. A lunch we never had, for she died two weeks later.
At this age and stage, I think to myself: Evil exists side by side with joy, so best to enjoy the second rather than dwell on the first...tragedy is as close to us as us, something to remember when we reach for those stones...love will forever be God's greatest mystery, but having found my beloved Joan I can better let go of all the Rosie's in my life,
Now I don't know if you've come up with any answers. I'm still trying.
Burt was my metaphor for the eternal how-can-a-good-Creator-create-evil conundrum that theologians and my Aunt Rose always talk about. The classic example -- the innocent child suddenly struck down by a cruel disease. Theologians tend to say God doesn't create only allows evil in his world. But why? As Job learned, the answer belongs to God alone. As some theologians put it, evil in life can serendipitously lead to a greater good. As Aunt Rose said at the wake when people wept for her loss, "Oh I didn't lose her; she's waiting for me at home."
Somewhere within the trinity of those ideas is the answer I live with.
As for Mr. Rooney, he was a happy-go-lucky metaphor for the Greek tragedy that lurks in everyone's life. The ancient Athenians staged plays in which a great protagonist experienced a great disaster all tracing back to a great flaw within their own character. Shakespeare carried the tragedian torch into modern times with his Hamlet, Macbeth and King Lear. In our own times the world bulges with brooding examples from protagonists like Hitler and Stalin to Joe McCarthy and Richard Nixon right down to our latest headliners Bernie Madoff and John Edwards.
In looking for an answer to the tragedy question, we owe a great debt to playwrights like Arthur Miller. In his celebrated Death of a Salesman, Miller show us that even everyday small figures like Willie Loman (and Mr Rooney) are capable of the same tragedies of great figures. If I had known this answer back then, I believe Mr Rooney's bizarre rages would not so much have frightened me, as they might have saddened me into reflecting on the character-flaw hiding in all of us.
Then the ultimate life-mystery -- love. The poets say it well when they say we humans can't live with it or without it. Artists capture the magic in their facial expressions. Composers in their chords and cadenzas. Hollywood in the way 98% of the screenplays end in some version of the proverbial clinch. In the case of Rosie and me, well, her Celtic red hair flashed three rows from me in class. The deed was done at that first sighting, but alas it was never reciprocal.
All through adolescence I reflected on the great unrequited mystery that love can be. Then, lending tragedy to mystery, I met Rosie at our 50th class reunion where we made a date for lunch. A lunch we never had, for she died two weeks later.
At this age and stage, I think to myself: Evil exists side by side with joy, so best to enjoy the second rather than dwell on the first...tragedy is as close to us as us, something to remember when we reach for those stones...love will forever be God's greatest mystery, but having found my beloved Joan I can better let go of all the Rosie's in my life,
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
BEING A CLOWN ISN'T ALWAYS FUNNY
When someone tells us "You're such a clown," that's either a compliment or an insult. I never much thought about clowns after my last circus many years ago. But then I met Jeff, and many of my ideas about being-a-clown changed....!
Jeff is Florida director of Barnum & Bailey's clown school. My actress-wife worked with Jeff in professional theatre before he, as they say, ran off and joined the circus. I learned from him just how much work and rehearsal it takes to be a good clown. But I have to say he learned from me just how easy all that is for politicians back here in Illinois. What's more, our guys do it without costume and makeup.
Now look, there's nothing unique about calling politicians clowns. It started with Washington being called a "funny excuse for a king" to Jackson being labeled "a laughable killer of Indians" to Lincoln being considered "nature's biggest joke on America." However, those critics never met an Illinois pol.
Jeff and I both agreed that politics is an honorable profession. These are men and women entrusted with the power to serve the general welfare, and most times they start off with the best of intentions. It's just that funny things seem to happen to them along the way. And while the details are different for each story, the plot is often the same
* Most start off as council members at local or city levels. After the first few months of slogging through dull documents and meetings, they try to break the monotony with some flashes of humor. If the media happens to pick up on this, it feeds the ego enough to eventually produce a Fast Eddie Vrydolyak or a Hat-Flourishing Dorothy Tillman. As I pointed out to Jeff, no amount of training can make pols like these funny. You either have it or you don't. The ones who have it usually bring it with them all the way to prison where they get jobs like MC of the annual prisoner talent show!
* Mayor tends to be the next step up. Whether it's a local suburb or all the way up to the funniest political city in America, Chicago, this office has the opportunity to keep voters laughing all the way to the tax-sponsored poor house. The political laugh meter spikes especially when mayors speak in public, but I was able to tell Jeff Mayor Richard Daley not only spikes but breaks the meter. That's because he speaks a language mastered by only the few great ones: Chicagoese legalese!
* The post of governor in Illinois is, as I told Jeff, the biggest clown-prize in our state. It's known far and wide as the Henny Youngman award, because no job in American politics has proven to be so funny. I mean guys like Kerner, Ryan and now Blagoevich have had audiences rolling in the aisles for years. All at the very same time they've been rolling the suckers in that same audience. Lets see any Barnum & Bailey clown pull that off!
* The big drumroll of course goes to anyone from Illinois who gets to Congress. In the highly competitive world of political humor, playing Congress is playing the big time. Over the years we've had too many clowns to count. But if you don't mind counting backward, start with our latest Senator, Roland Burris. He may not be funny himself, but he does owe his career to the funnest clown in sight: the big Blago himself!
When I got through, Jeff was so impressed, he says he's changed his plans. Instead of bringing the circus to Illinois, he'd like to bring Illinois to the circus!
Jeff is Florida director of Barnum & Bailey's clown school. My actress-wife worked with Jeff in professional theatre before he, as they say, ran off and joined the circus. I learned from him just how much work and rehearsal it takes to be a good clown. But I have to say he learned from me just how easy all that is for politicians back here in Illinois. What's more, our guys do it without costume and makeup.
Now look, there's nothing unique about calling politicians clowns. It started with Washington being called a "funny excuse for a king" to Jackson being labeled "a laughable killer of Indians" to Lincoln being considered "nature's biggest joke on America." However, those critics never met an Illinois pol.
Jeff and I both agreed that politics is an honorable profession. These are men and women entrusted with the power to serve the general welfare, and most times they start off with the best of intentions. It's just that funny things seem to happen to them along the way. And while the details are different for each story, the plot is often the same
* Most start off as council members at local or city levels. After the first few months of slogging through dull documents and meetings, they try to break the monotony with some flashes of humor. If the media happens to pick up on this, it feeds the ego enough to eventually produce a Fast Eddie Vrydolyak or a Hat-Flourishing Dorothy Tillman. As I pointed out to Jeff, no amount of training can make pols like these funny. You either have it or you don't. The ones who have it usually bring it with them all the way to prison where they get jobs like MC of the annual prisoner talent show!
* Mayor tends to be the next step up. Whether it's a local suburb or all the way up to the funniest political city in America, Chicago, this office has the opportunity to keep voters laughing all the way to the tax-sponsored poor house. The political laugh meter spikes especially when mayors speak in public, but I was able to tell Jeff Mayor Richard Daley not only spikes but breaks the meter. That's because he speaks a language mastered by only the few great ones: Chicagoese legalese!
* The post of governor in Illinois is, as I told Jeff, the biggest clown-prize in our state. It's known far and wide as the Henny Youngman award, because no job in American politics has proven to be so funny. I mean guys like Kerner, Ryan and now Blagoevich have had audiences rolling in the aisles for years. All at the very same time they've been rolling the suckers in that same audience. Lets see any Barnum & Bailey clown pull that off!
* The big drumroll of course goes to anyone from Illinois who gets to Congress. In the highly competitive world of political humor, playing Congress is playing the big time. Over the years we've had too many clowns to count. But if you don't mind counting backward, start with our latest Senator, Roland Burris. He may not be funny himself, but he does owe his career to the funnest clown in sight: the big Blago himself!
When I got through, Jeff was so impressed, he says he's changed his plans. Instead of bringing the circus to Illinois, he'd like to bring Illinois to the circus!
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